Navigating Thanksgiving After Separation: 7 Co-Parenting Tips for a Peaceful Holiday

Thanksgiving can stir up a complicated mix of emotions for co-parents. There’s the desire to create joyful memories for your children, the strain of holiday logistics, and the inevitable reminders of how much has changed. In order to maintain your wellbeing across the holiday seasons, it’s important to make sure you take care of yourself while also ensuring your children form those positive, happy holiday memories.  With the right mindset and planning, it is possible to have a peaceful, meaningful holiday season.

Here are 7 tips to help you navigate Thanksgiving with clarity, compassion, and cooperation:

1. Prioritize the Kids’ Experience Over the Perfect Schedule

It’s easy to get caught up in who “gets” which day or how much time each parent has. Instead of focusing on a perfect split, ask: What will feel most stable and joyful for the kids this year? Maybe that means adjusting the schedule slightly so they can enjoy Thanksgiving dinner without being rushed, or letting them celebrate on Friday instead. Flexibility can go a long way.

2. Confirm the Plan Early—and Stick to It

Last-minute changes breed confusion, resentment, and stress—especially during the holidays. Reach out early to confirm pick-up/drop-off times, locations, and who’s bringing what (if you’re attending a shared event). Put the agreement in writing (preferably in email, with a requested response time) so everyone’s on the same page and your kids know what to expect.

3. Don’t Compete—Collaborate

It’s not about who throws the “better” Thanksgiving. Whether you’re celebrating separately or together, avoid comparing or one-upping. Kids don’t want two versions of the holiday—just one where they feel safe, loved, and included. If you and your co-parent can collaborate on some part of the day (even if it’s just sharing photos or cooking the same dish), it reinforces the message that you’re still a team when it comes to them.

4. Respect Boundaries—and Know Your Own

Holidays can stir up old wounds, and it’s tempting to fall back into unhealthy patterns. Before Thanksgiving, take a moment to check in with yourself. What are your emotional triggers? What boundaries will help you stay calm and grounded? If you're doing a shared celebration, decide ahead of time how to gracefully step away if things get tense.

5. Create New Traditions—Big or Small

Just because your family looks different now doesn’t mean the holidays can’t be special. Create traditions that work for this new chapter. That could mean having a Thanksgiving breakfast instead of dinner, letting the kids help plan the menu, or watching a favorite movie in pajamas. New rituals can be comforting and even more meaningful than old ones.

6. Focus on Gratitude—Even If It’s Tough

Thanksgiving is literally about giving thanks, but that can feel forced when you’re grieving a lost relationship or missing your kids for part of the day. Try to find small, authentic moments of gratitude—a peaceful morning, a kind text, a smile from your child. Gratitude can be an anchor, even in the middle of heartache.

7. Give Yourself Permission to Feel

This one’s for you, not the co-parenting plan. Holidays after divorce can be hard—full stop. Don’t pressure yourself to “power through” or fake it. Allow space for whatever comes up: sadness, relief, awkwardness, even joy. You’re human. And showing your kids that it’s okay to feel and heal is one of the best gifts you can give them.

No matter what your Thanksgiving looks like this year, your calm presence and genuine care will be what your children remember most.